All fathers have their own fears for their children when they are born.
Mine were the fear they wouldn’t love me, the fear they were
“breakable” and the most defining fear for me : The fear they would
end up just like me. Not physically, but in the sense of who they would
become later on in life.
My reasoning behind this fear: I am 27 years old, a college dropout,
working at Applebees making only 75 cents more than I did when I
started 2 1/2 years ago. I have no clue what I would want to do if I went
back to school because I honestly don’t know what I would be good at. I
am constantly trying to be a mediator in a battle of paycheck vs bills
every 2 weeks.
Not the best way to be living, although don’t get me wrong, I know I am
a lot better off than a lot of people, and I’ve been a lot lower in my own
life to be able to still appreciate things like a roof, a shower, and of
course having my family near me.
I know when I die, most people won’t remember my name, or where I
have worked, or even what I was most known for. I do hope people will
remember what kind of spirit I had (if they think it’s a kind one) and what
I did in my life for other people.
For my children, though, I do not want them to grow up and have to
struggle. I do not want them to have to know the frustration, the stress,
and the strain on life that exists in the world. I want them to go on to
much better things than I have in my life.
I don’t wish for them to be famous movies stars, athletes, or musicians.
I don’t wish for them to have a large bank account that affords them the
riches they will never need. But I wish for their greatness.
Greatness defined : When my children have grown old and passed, I
want people to remember them. I want them to have been people of
integrity, people of immeasurable kindness, people of unshakable
conviction. I want people to stand around and remember them as
people who always put family first and did what they had to for their
family. I want them to be known the world around for their acts of love
and their words of truth.
I want them to shine I light on the world that will never fade, never grow
dim, and never be unseen. I want them to shower the world with a love
that can be felt by all and a greatness that can really be admired. Not for
their worth, or talents, or products.
I sometimes feel I have failed my children in that I haven’t lived my life
like this, and thus I have a fear they will end up like me. I feel that my
inabilities and instablilties will not show them a life of “greatness” like I
spoke of earlier. I pray for the strength to change myself to live with
this greatness for the hopes that my children will one day be great.